005 :: FO! Boobie Monster

Boobie monster is still haunting me. It's turned into one of "those" lesions that is not going to drain itself completely and leave. It's going to take its sweet time.

So I managed to count atleast 2 layers of skin having been peeled away from the lesion, and then in the centre I noticed the pungent muck showing. I was relieved briefly, thinking that it was almost over. That I was finally going to be able to have this bugger drained. Only another HS sufferer would understand the mindset when you begin to see that yellowy/greeny coloured pus showing just under the skin, and the feeling that the end of this lesion is near. But nope, the lesion apparently has a mind of its own.

It drained a little, not much pus came out which was not normal considering its size. It wasn't until a few hours later that I realised it's one of those irritating lesions. The kind of lesion that teases you. It shows its head (pus under the skin), the cellulitis begins to disappear, but the lesion remains. Hard and lumpy, painful to touch, with a hole directly in the middle of it. Constantly leaking/weeping out pus with no intention of healing itself any time soon.

I've had lesions like this before, on my inner thigh. I know straight up, that this monsterer right here is going to scar like a bitch. As if my body was not ruined enough, I now have one more scar to dread looking forward to.

I can't bandaid it yet, the bandaids I have are way too small for this size lesion, and I really don't want to have to peel half my skin off when it's time to change the bandaid. I can't even afford to go and buy decent sized bandaids. I have $20 to my name to last me another 7 days. So it looks like I'm stuck with the boobie monster leaking, seeping, weeping all over every item of clothing I put on. Every item of clothing I put on potentially fusing with the lesion when/if it decides to close itself/heal up.

It's really not fun to have to peel clothing off a lesion where it's started to fuse. 

This disease is an absolute cunt of a thing, and I hate it. I seriously hate having HS. I would never wish this upon my worst enemy. No body should have to live with this disease. It's just unfair. I really feel that this disease has deprived me of what should be my best years. I'm only 23 years old for gods sake. I should be out in the world having a life, pain free, and enjoying it. Not purposely hiding myself away at home for fear of judgement from my peers, worrying about if I have lesions leaking through my clothing, having trouble functioning be it walking, moving my arms, sitting, etc.

Boobie Monster; Day 9 (Flash on)

It's been atleast 9 days since I first noticed you, probably even longer to be honest. 

But please;

KINDLY BUGGER OFF BOOBIE MONSTER.

You are NOT welcome on my body.

JUST LEAVE ALREADY.